Losing a student

I found out Wednesday that one of my students is moving after Christmas and will not return to his school. And so next Friday, I'll say goodbye to my little guy who works for Legos. My goal is always to get the student to the point where he or she no longer needs me, and when this happens, it's cause for celebration. But this child struggles so and he has only mastered a few consonants and two short vowels. He's leaving a private school for a public school, which means a private tutor won't be allowed in to help. He will easily qualify for an IEP, but that process is so long and time-consuming, and there is no guarantee that there will be any continuity of instruction. It seems every time a child goes to a new school, they want to try all the things that didn't work in the old school. I feel sad that he is leaving, but I understand.

It's a little harder when I don't understand. Last year I had a young girl who was a total nonreader when we began. She soaked up the information I gave her with great enthusiasm and learned quickly. In a few short months she progressed at least two years. The parents seemed pleased, but then stopped the tutoring cordially but abruptly with no explanation.

Then there are the times that I am the one who ends the tutoring relationship. Occasionally it's because I am not the right tutor for the child; perhaps he needs organizational guidance and homework help rather than reading. Perhaps she needs more in-depth composition work than I do. I always explain that it's MY lack of knowledge and try to leave the parents with one or two good names that might be more appropriate. Parents pay a lot of money and I want them to get their money's worth.

There have been a few times in the past years that I ended tutoring for other reasons. Once I got caught up in an ugly custody dispute and the writing the student did for me was subpoenaed. I have stopped at least twice because the parents regularly forgot tutoring and didn't show. Once I had a parent tell me they couldn't pay me because, if they did, there might not be enough for their skiing vacation to Vail. The child that haunts me though is one from many years ago. At first glance his mom was so interested and involved. But then I realized she called every teacher every night, and I spent unpaid hours on the phone with her. If the child expressed an interest in something, the mother would sign both of them up for lessons, buy books, rent movies. This middle school child was denied the chance to have any interests of his own and I watched him withdraw more and more, from me, his friends, and his teachers. It wasn't abuse under the law so I couldn't report it. But it was abuse nonetheless, and I could no longer be a part of it.